babies please.

 Chocolate souffle cupcakes...so good. Don't worry they're supposed to look like that. (and the cucumber punch stuff in the foreground--not so much. Sorry girls!)

 Looking cute in a dress made by her mother in law! 

 My mom was kind enough to knit her a little grandma sweater. Probably owe her some weeding now. If I was in Boise, I would...

I am slightly proud of this last minute banner I made--mostly because it was an idea from my own mind and not the internet, and it actually worked. 

Vanessa is a trooper. She has endured a pregnancy that makes me feel guilty that I had such a relatively easy time--and is still so excited and overjoyed about her forthcoming baby girl. She deserved a great baby shower, and I tried my best to deliver. She also is a trooper because she has met all these new friends that speak loudly over the top of each other and make quilts and have too many opinions. (Well, I'm probably just talking about myself here.) She has been quickly adopted by all and is extremely well liked. We had a great time just talking about babies, drinking homemade horchata, and avoiding the cucumber soda thing I made that was gross. In the end, it was a gluten free, games free, cute present-filled morning. Vanessa looked radiant, and forgave me for throwing her a shower 10 days before her due date. It is hard to describe how much I am looking forward to this baby's arrival--we probably need to work out a code word so she can tell me I need to back off and give her some breathing space.

I wish I had gotten a few more good pictures, but I have a huge insecurity about taking pictures at parties I am supposed to be hosting. I always feel dumb whipping the camera out. I'm not the only one that feels this way, right?

Boise, Utah, and a third birthday cupcake

 My parents have a nice tub and natural light, so I couldn't resist taking a bazillion bath photos.

 My, what big (6) teeth you have.

 Wedding wear. This picture points out my nice ombre hair shading, and the fact that I need a haircut fairly badly. A Hall family picture exists from this event, if I ever get it from my brother's camera (ahem).

 Noah and Theo bonding. Noah is about to bite Theo on the back rather aggressively, ending their happy moment.

 We did an excellent job of disrupting Theo's sleeping patterns.

 Jon officially finished his third year of dental school near the end of June and we jetted off to Boise for a little break that included a built in nanny (i.e. Grandma). We also got to spend time with my brother and his adorable family, and even a side trip to Utah for my cousin's wedding and a nostalgic visit to BYU. I can't really describe how excited I was to see the mountains of Provo, breathe the cottonwood tree floaty things of early summer, and walk past my freshman apartment. Although I love Boise, my memories of late adolescent life there are not very rosy. As in, high school was not kind to me. At BYU, I met caring people and true friends, and had experiences that I will never forget. Of course, that's where I met Jon as well, which is the best part. So, needless to say I walked around campus twirling and singing happy songs. We bought Theo a little boy BYU shirt, some chocolate covered cinnamon bears and ate graham canyon ice cream at the creamery. I walked past my prior job at library security and confirmed in my mind that it indeed was taken over again by an all male militaristic staff (snap judgement, but I'm probably right). And someone waved at me like they knew me, even though they didn't. It made me feel like I was being mistaken for Kenz, a pastime at BYU we both enjoyed on a regular basis.

Aside from the fact that I just let the world know that I have issues from high school that probably need the attention of a therapist, the week was a wonderful one. My cousin's wedding was beautiful and I loved catching up with close cousins. My nephew Noah is growing leaps and bounds larger than Theo already (found out yesterday Theo is in the 9th percentile for weight, so not too surprising).

Jon is officially a senior now, which makes me really happy and a little sad that we may have to move away in a year. But luckily I don't have to think about that right now. But if I do, every time I visit Portland I will be doing the happy twirly nostalgic dance.

Happy Birthday Theodore!

 Auntie Kenzie made and sent Theo this onesie just in time! She's the best.

 Once he got a taste for ice cream, he became a little demanding.

 And root beer. (I know he's drinking soda, but it's Virgil's. Only the best.)

He covered his ears when we sung Happy Birthday, which is what most people instinctively want to do, I'm sure.

Right now Theo is walking past me (!). He explores everything, loves to sing "patty cake," mimics when you say "uh-oh," used to wave hello but decided to stop, crinkles his nose when he laughs, loves to play ball, and today is ONE year old!

These pictures are from his party we had on Friday, and I spent most of my time chasing him down as he speed-crawled away the second I wasn't looking. He got a scratch on his face, crawled across pavement with bare knees, and explored bushes and trees. He was practically shouting his boyhood at me.

His party was ball themed, as throwing a ball is his favorite thing to do. I made far too many cupcakes and thought too much about specific shades of sprinkles, but it was so much fun to be with our friends who have been around during this whole crazy baby journey. (And who remained friends during that whole non-sleeping phase.)

Theo has added so much to our lives, and he has personally taught me how to love, sacrifice, and be a less selfish person. Most importantly, he has been patient with me as I try this Mom thing for the first time. We love him so much. I can't begin to explain all the emotions and feelings I have today. I feel full to the top, content, and happy. In about two seconds I'm going to be a soppy mess, so I'll leave it simply at that.

Don't eat the black stuff

Jon's spent the entirety of his first Father's Day last year appropriately--he was becoming a father. But constantly walking around the neighborhood in the rain, no sleep, and having to fend for your own food wasn't exactly the fun day I planned.  I would whimper between contractions about the nice dinner I had planned to make. I know he really didn't care--as he drove 45 minutes to find an open pharmacy to get me a single Ambien after midnight as we hit over 20 hours of labor--and that's why he deserved a special father's day. It's hard to describe how much I appreciate everything he's done this year for me and Theo.

Jon and David are a lot alike, and they both have been talking a lot about lobsters. David more about cooking one, Jon more about just eating one. So when Vanessa approached me with the idea about a lobster adventure, I knew it was the perfect super-special fancy thing for Jon. So we met on Saturday night at Uwajimaya to pick out our dinner from the lobster tank. Lobsters are basically large insects of the sea. We picked out a big guy, put him on ice and brought him home. Then we cooked them. Jon panicked a bit at the last second as the lobster stretched wider than our pot diameter, and used the lid (and a squeal) for assistance. Twenty minutes later we had a red lobster and a steamy lobster-y smelling apartment. (Still smells like the ocean by my stove). You can eat several parts of the lobster  other than just the tail and claws, but only Jon was brave enough to try the roe. Imagine his surprise (and yet, not, based on the taste) when he realized that he had actually sampled the lobster's poop.

ALL CAPS

 Did I mention he also grew a mustache? These were the best shots I got in the milliseconds it was on his face.

Theodore, previously content merely with walking to his parents at their pleading, started walking around of his own volition on Sunday. Cute wobbly steps.

What is happening here? I'm confused. I still don't feel mature enough to be the parent of a toddler. The day will soon come when Theo will cast his eyes down in shame at his mom doing something embarrassing. Like tomorrow.

My mind is exploding a little bit. There are a million emotions I am feeling, probably best expressed by a page full of exclamation and question marks. I can't stop time from making this little baby a little baby man. But please let him stay a cuddly mama's boy. That's all I ask.

and we're back

 Theo doesn't realize just how much he needs that sun hat. 

 The long way to Multnomah Falls, so pretty.

 

 He didn't eat a lot of it, but he made a mess, which is just as important.

I realize I have taken a mini blog break, caused by grandparents visiting and then Theo and me catching some springtime virus. I dread us being sick at the same time, as I am at my absolute neediest (and whiniest, if you ask Jon). Unfortunately babies couldn't care less if their mamas are sick. Theo had a raging high fever for a few days, even having a mild febrile seizure one night. Luckily he has a paranoid mother that had already read up and asked his ped about this very topic months ago, because it looks much scarier than it actually is. (If you are a mom or are going to be, I highly recommend familiarizing yourself with this topic, it saved me from having a severe panic attack. Instead, I just got a small one.)

Anyway, we missed much of the warm sunny weather this weekend, although we did get out Saturday and flew a kite. Last weekend Theo got lots of grandparent love and presents, and we did a dry run to see how Theo would react to his first birthday cupcake. Prognosis is good on that front. I can't he is two weeks away from being one year old. !

Sun, for reals

 Everyone looking a unimpressed. From left--Nellie 11 mo, Locke 1.5, Jane 13 mo, Theo 11 mo, Ellie 10 mo

  A row of delicious babies.

 11 months old. What happened?



To anyone who has been in my near vicinity for the past two months--I am sorry. I am sorry I have been irritated, crabby, annoyed, negative, tired, an eye roller, and in general a complainer about most things. In the wake of sleeping in hour long stretches week after week after week, I had kind of become moody antisocial version of myself. I tried to put on my best front, but I know at times zombie mom came through.


(Total aside from my hypochondriac self--I was feeling a little sick on Saturday morning and 90% jokingly told Jon I thought I was turning into a zombie for the end of days.)

I have been in sleep recovery (rehab) for a week now, and I have a new outlook on life. People are friendlier, mornings are bright and exciting, and I no longer need two naps a day. When people invite me places, my first instinct is "yes!" Instead of "ughhhhhhhhhhhh. Go away."

So I ventured out into the world last Friday. I reintroduced myself to all my long lost friends who welcomed me back despite my indiscretions. Theo got his splash on, and he loved it. Even when he accidentally submerged himself underwater. I felt freakishly, uncontrollably giddy.

I don't even care that it's raining today. I just vacuumed my apartment, walls and the ceiling and I feel great. Is this what being high on drugs feels like? Sleep is my happy drug.

Us at 60

This spring I joined a community orchestra, and I am loving it. I get to get out a night a week, play my violin again, and talk nerdy shop with people mostly of retirement age. I lucked out with a great stand partner, Nancy (for those not in the know, that means we share music and sit together--sounds obvious but Jon didn't know what I was talking about). The first night I showed her pictures of Theo, and she showed me pictures of her cat. I found out later she had a daughter. She is also a woman of many talents--she plays the dulcimer, and Native American flute. This week she was playing a gig and I googled it when I went home to see where it was, and I found her website! She and her husband hire themselves out to play anywhere. And they have an outfit for every occasion. Here are a few.

Ok, so I was going to give you a few but these are all of them. I couldn't help myself. So, if you need a dulcimer/bass music ensemble for your for your formal civil war party, I've got their contact info.

blueberry lipstick

I just made Theo a flowery bib. (Jon walked around with a similar lunch bag for a year and I'm pretty sure his testosterone levels are still the same) I'm sad I can't dress him in more plum colors--it really looks exquisite with those blue eyes.

moms!

 Photo by  Lisa Warninger

 Top-me and Theo 6 weeks, Middle-My mom and Theo 5 months, Bottom-Jon's mom and Theo 8 weeks

Being a mother is difficult to comprehend until you actually are one. So this year Mother's Day really hit me, not only because I was looking forward to a holiday where selfishness is welcomed, but really because I realized even more this year just how much my mom has sacrificed, served, and loved me. Being a mom is letting go of your own desires and needs because something has suddenly become much more important than you. And you love this little person so much, even if you have days where you want to lay in bed and cry because you are so tired (not me of course...). But it's worth it. I love Theo so much that I don't care if he has six more months of double digit night waking. Of course I only say that because Jon is the best partner that I could ever ask for, and I really couldn't survive without him.

Jon and I have great examples of women who are amazing at all that they do. My mother in law is a giant of faith and I look up to how strong she has been through adversity. We may compete while running (sigh...I always lose) but I am so glad she has come into my life. I only can hope to become more like my mom. But I never can because she raised twins, something I realize now is like climbing Mount Everest backward without oxygen in a bathing suit. She is super mom to me.

Thanks to Jon for the best mother's day ever. He gave me gifts, made me multiple meals, and took me out for a movie date Saturday. I also have made him get up with Theo so much these past few nights. I think he's just trying to get extra points for Father's Day. Totally worked.

Lifetime supply of jeans in one year. Let's hope jean fashion never changes.

Ok. I have a confession. (not only do I write with a lot of parenthetical references, but) A company I used to work for in Utah once got crazy into the Secret. You know, the book where if you think you will make a million dollars, a lot, you will get a million dollars. And if you don't get a million dollars, then you must have let negative energy creep in, and the Universe then taketh away your dream. Our department had a special meeting at my supervisor's house where we were given the book, watched the accompanying video (where I learned you can always get a prime parking space--if you just think it), and made "dream boards" where we made a collage of our future personal goals. I didn't think this was a bad idea--I presented mine which had things I wanted in life like, "an adult tricycle," "a house shaped like a box," and to write a book (all still being visualized! I will get an adult tricycle!). I think our boss just really wanted to boost revenue, and our department was in charge of selling the company's product. Instead of going through all this magic voodoo, what she really should have done was not leave the company's success to the least paid department that had faulty 15 year old computers and had to work on holidays, while everyone else basked in the gentle glow of their new Macs and took off when it was convenient. We did have amazing Christmas parties though (in the magical time before the 2008 economic crash, of course). But I digress.
 
At the time I was convinced my thoughts had magical powers to change the course of the universe. Mostly because I trained all my thoughts on how we were going to live in Portland and Jon would attend dental school. Then suddenly, he got an interview and he got in. Done and done. I knew that his acceptance must not have been due to his grades, interview, or test scores, but singly controlled by my will, and the Universe. Then I found out that Jon always assumed he wouldn't get in as to lessen disappointment. And with time, and repeated mocking jokes on 30 Rock, I have become disillusioned. 

Until, Saturday. We were at the Gap, looking at baby things, when I noticed some kind of promotion where they were giving away an employee discount for a year (50%, which I know is not the exact employee discount as my sister worked there in high school and begrudgingly let me share in her discount at times when I bugged her constantly to let me use it) a day to each store this week. I actually left the store, thought about it, and went back in and entered. It was a tedious process, involving an app download so I could scan some thing and enter in a bunch of information. It took 10-15 minutes, and I was pretty sure most people wouldn't go through the hassle. I felt annoyed by it too, but I figured it would be worth it if I won.

Actually, I thought of the Secret because I not only thought I might win, I knew I would. I really didn't have a doubt. And Jon thought so too. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who entered that day anyway, but I was still excited the next day when I got my email notifying me that I had won.

The Secret The Secret The secret... (whispered in a mysterious voice for best effect)