scattered

I'm at work today with nothing to do (shh..don't tell) and I have these random thoughts clanking around in my head. My remedy to be rid of them is to share.

I have been typing a ton of records for MT training lately, and I have found one condition that I would not like to have--acute urinary retention caused by bladder outlet obstruction.

Whenever I drink or look at milk, I usually think,"Milk. Not heterogeneous, not homogeneous, but a colloid. You can tell it's a colloid by scattered light shining indirectly through the glass." I can see the 8th grade textbook page where I learned that and the picture going along with it. Also element number 91 is protactinium. And then when I think about that I think about Mr. Gerber, my eighth grade science teacher where I learned these things, and then I think about how Mr. Gerber saved a kid from choking on a lemon head. I then learned that giving the Heimlich maneuver can save a life, but it also makes you puke.

Every time I refill Tator Tot's fishbowl it makes me gag because a ton of poop I pretend is not there starts floating around. But when all the poop has settled in the rocks I forget he's a dirty fish and instead watch entranced as he swims side to side vertically like he's standing up and swallows bubbles.

Sometimes when I'm zoning out at work I open the CD drive of my eMac with my fingernail and look at the two round speakers on each side and pretend that my computer has two eyes and a mouth and it's talking. It usually says something funny--something a muppet would say. Well, it actually doesn't say words it just makes sounds, so I guess it's one of those muppets that are big and don't say words.

Stick 'em up!

I know I have very generic facial features. How do I know this? I have come to this conclusion because billions of people have come up to me and told me I either look really familiar or that I look like one of their friends back home or that I look like a ridiculously gorgeous celbrity. These have ranged from the chubby kid (click here) on Forever Young (Not Elijah Wood but his friend) to Nathan Steed (here) on the Work and the Glory (a great american movie classic). At church on Sunday someone pulled me aside to tell me that I look like one of the dudes (and here) from Flight of the Concords (I am baffled by this and am still unsure to which dude he was referring). Today was probably the greatest of all though. While helping a young man check out some Japaname (I believe this is how it is spelled) at the HLRC he commented that I strongly resemble a train robber. I am not sure if he had a specific train robber in mind, or if meant that if he were to ever see a train robber he would imagine that they would look like me. Secretly I was more flattered with this than any other celebrity anyone could have said.

Jerry, you're 1-1

So, I tried again with Mrs. Jerry's cookbook. This time, brownies with spinach and carrot puree. I made the green looking paste, added it to melted semi-sweets, dark chocolate cocoa powder, egg whites, and applesauce (that's jon's substitution for butter). I added more chocolate chips for good measure. What came out was a dark dark chocolate brownie, which was more cake-like. In fact, it tasted like those European chocolate cakes--not too sweet, just the taste of good chocolate. We did not detect any hint of spinach..although when they were kinda warm they tasted a little like zucchini bread. I was impressed, and we finished off the pan that night. Our resident picky eater, Tyler, even liked them. Although we couldn't tell him what was in them until after he tried it.

After many hours of sweaty palms I have accomplished what I once thought to be impossible. I beat Mario Bros 3. Was it difficult? Yes. You're probably telling yourself, "Well he had to have used a cheat code". No my gentle sir, I did not, just some good old fashion blood and tears. Next on the list: Mike Tyson's Punch Out. I'm scared...

OMG (oh my gems!)

To start off, me and Kenz ran 6 miles today (PR!) although the first couple miles were rough for both of us, but Tilly and the Wall got me through. I had this major side ache for about 2 miles, and I found that singing out loud and making exaggerated gestures made it go away.

Later, me and Jon went to Barnes and Noble to purchase a travel book on Western Europe, and a large map to put up on the wall to track our itinerary with push pins (at Jon's insistence).  We are going to buy plane tickets for our fantastical European holiday this week.  I am so excited to go exploring--we just need to figure out where we're going to go!  We also hit up Saver's...I'm going to be honest, I was a little hesitant because the Provo Saver's usually does not yield any great successes...but I am happy to say I was wrong. Allow me introduce you to...

Yes, those are fake diamonds and leather winking at you.

My latest gem sweater!! This one has a great dolman sleeve, punctuated by shoulders filled with rhinestones, beads, and glittering jewels.  I was trying to find another gem sweater to attend Leslie and the Ly's, and this one stole my heart.  Gem sweaters are rarities nowadays, and so you got to pounce on those bad boys when you get the chance.  

Also, those spinach/carrot brownies are cooling as we speak.  I'll give you an update on their tastiness. Or if there is tastiness at all.

Good ol days

Such an ugster picture of me. I have never seen a flattering cell phone shot of myself. Jon can vouch for this.

Aww. The twinlaws. Bonded in their love of twin sisters. And their mustaches.

Tyler, Jon, and I went to the BYU/Utah basketball game last night. (Kenz was busy combining squiggles and words into a graphic design masterpiece) It was good to brush off my old BYU id and yell a lot. The game was actually pretty fun, and close. I am hesitant to admit this but I really enjoyed the cougarette's halftime hip hop dance. And I was in the bathroom and missed "tall John" from my days at liberty square win $1000. Good for him. I hope his braces are off by now. Watching the game made me miss the old days of penetrators intramurals. The dances. The warm ups. The nausea. The sportsmanship talks from Coach Sam. Laura's swearing. Sydnie's pushing. Mere and Candace's mascot outfits. Our spraypainted t-shirts. The fact that our team was named "the penetrators."(kind of embarrassing) and most of all, the Capri Suns. They made everything worth it.

at least I got paid

I'm sure everyone enjoyed their President's Day holiday (except for Dad preparing for trial today!). I however, had to work. Jon was hoping the cast iron plant explosion in Springville somehow blew up my office so that I wouldn't have to go in. Alas, all was well. But, he did come and meet me for lunch, which is unusual since I only have a half hour. It was great to see him during the day, and we had a good lunch at Ginger's. Jon stayed home while I worked and did laundry, picked up the house, and made muffins (they tasted better then when I make them). What a great househusband!

Thrift and Excess

Hello, class! I'm your new first grade teacher.

Yesterday we traveled to Murray to go thrifting and also use a $50 gift certificate that Jon and I had at Cheesecake Factory. That place amazes me. We went at 3:00 in the afternoon, there was over an hour wait, and it was jam packed the whole time. It was a pretty ok place, but I still don't quite understand the mystique. While we were waiting to eat, we went to the DI and found a few treasures. Unlike other times where me and Kenz have physically fought over an item of clothing (which was silly because it ended up not fitting either of us anyway), we had compromises. I found a great Christian Dior oversize cardigan that Kenz ended up getting and she found a gem of a little kid jumper with apples all over it that I bought. I also had a good time laughing as we both tried on dresses that were whack/didn't fit us so well, which caused a battle when you are trying to get the thing off.

Great pic of Kenz posing in some high end fashion.

V-day is V-day!

My Valentine's day was so great. I got a heart shaped pizza from Papa Murphy's and we watched a movie. Jon surprised me with 2 cute spider flower things, and door bell ditched me with some vegan cookies and a big bag of jelly bellies. He's the best. He made me think that he wasn't doing anything and then he made Valentine's day the best ever. Last night we hung out with Kenz and Tyler and I nearly peed my pants when they gave me the run down on their Valentine's day (see their blog). My favorite part of the story was when one of them said to another (I won't say who) "You've ruined Valentine's Day!" We all had a good laugh about it. We also went to Maverick to get some frozen yogurt, which always reminds me of nights hanging out with my Dad, usually in jr. high or high school, and we would go to make the largest yogurt cones ever. Whenever we are all together, Tyler usually does something to make us all laugh--usually something embarrassing or awkward. Last night it was this--



Tyler was the last one to get yogurt and he walked away with the lever still down. I looked over and saw this pile of strawberry/cheesecake yogurt growing by the second. I apologize about the picture quality--It was on my camera phone and I couldn't stop laughing. And yes, Kenz did take a bite out of it.

I'm trying to catch up on my blogging since my dad is determined to out-blog me. I loved the picture of Mom with Max (pre-tumor face) with the sweater SHE KNITTED for him. I miss Max. We're heading to places other than Provo to go thrifting and I hope we find some gems! (and gem sweaters).

oprah's even a little wary

My new year's resolution: Be a better wife. By that I mean--make at least a couple dinners a week. I also got a new cookbook for Christmas, "Deceptively Delicious," so I combined these two things together. I have to say this book looked interesting, although it looks like Mrs Seinfeld did not want to include funny as a part of her book. Jerry could have at least done an intro. ("Someone put sweet potatoes in my popsicle?....Newman!") Tonight we tried "Macaroni and Cheese: 2" which does not use pureed vegetables, but pureed white beans to make the sauce. You might be thinking...warning! warning! beans! But I did not listen. I pureed the beans with the milk (making what I liked to call "bean milk") added some cheese, and cooked up some multicolored whole wheat spirals. I mixed up the two with a little bit of faith and a healthy dash of fresh ground pepper. When I tried it, it was unavoidably... beany. And the sauce sort of solidified on the noodles so it was like I was eating refried beans and noodles. Jon didn't actually mind it, and had seconds, but I just could not bear it. Jerry's comments on the recipe from a cartoony head? "Wow...I can't even tell there are beans in here!" Lies, Jerry. Lies! I'm not saying the cookbook is bad, but this recipe was a thumbs-refusing-to-even-leave-the-confines-of-my-clenched-fist. Doesn't mean I'm not going to try and make brownies with spinach. ("wait until they are cooled for the spinach taste to completely disappear") Can't wait.

No soup for you!

Although this happened last week I feel that it is very blog worthy. So in preparing to cram for a test that I had last week I decided to pick up some tropical skittles (the most delicious flavor) to keep me awake while studying. While browsing the various goodies in the back of the Twilight Zone in the Wilk a young man walked up next to me. "Mmmmm, soup!", he exclaimed as he opened the vat of clam chowder. He noticed me looking at him and looked over at me. I gave him a brief grin and a nod and continued searching for my skittles. There was something odd about this fellow that caused me to continue to watch him out of the corner of me eye, even though I had already located the tropical beans. He continued his soup excursion by grabbing the ladle and swirling the soup around to assure himself that it was of the right consistency. What then occurred still sends shivers down my spine. He lifted the dripping ladle out of the pot and brought it close to his face, stuck out his chin, puckered his lips, and from the best of my vantage point appeared to have taken a sip from the ladle!! Apparently what he tasted appealed to him because he proceeded to get a styrofoam cup and pour himself some lunch. Now normally I am a very non-confrontational kind of guy, but I feel that I should have done/said something to this obviously socially-backwards man (probably home schooled). But for some reason I couldn't. The shock was too great, I was stunned by this swap of soup saliva! Needless to say, I will never eat from a public pot of soup again.

rock the stage and dodge those barrels

A memorable part of this weekend was watching "King of Kong" with Kenz and Tyler. I was nonchalantly sewing buttons on a dress at the beginning, and by the end I was sitting on the edge of the couch, yelling and waving my fists. This movie is A) hilarious B) endlessly educational on the land of competitive classic game playing and the people that exist within its hierarchy C) A classic illustration of the fight between good and evil (sidenote--I realize now that evil has long styled hair, wears american themed ties and tight black pants, and sells barbecue sauce while constantly giving a thumbs up.) D) Rated 99% on rotten tomatoes E) Now in my top 5 of favorite movies/documentaries F) Something you absolutely must see this week so I can tell you I told you so.


This past weekend Jon had two shows--one with Declaration in Salt Lake, and he jetted back over to Provo to play a last show with Maple Grove. Jon was filling in for a missing bass player for a few months, so his departure was inevitable, but he had a lot of fun playing with them. I barely made it to see him play--I walked over to Velour and he was already playing! I realized I brought a dollar less than what it cost, so I used my charms and didn't even have to pay. Actually I told them my husband was playing in an anxious voice and the owner took pity on me. I barged my way up to the front in my floppy hat with a pom pom and watched Jon's last harrah. There was a large high school crowd there, and at one point this girl turned to her friends and exclaimed loudly, "the bass player is HOT!" I wanted to tell her it was my husband so that she could be embarrassed. I was proud of Jon, not only for being hot, but for rocking out the great way he does. I also saw Meredith, Amber and Tiff, which was a treat in itself.

facebook is a gateway drug

Well, we did it.  Jon and I are officially blogsters. Well, I'm sure Jon may contribute sometime but it will probably be mostly me. Welcome!