On "monte cristo-ing"

Whenever my twin sister Kenzie is trying to get somewhere and gets a little lost, she always goes opposite of her instinct. When she thinks to turn right, she goes left, and vice versa. As someone who is "directionally challenged" (seriously, I am continuously shocked at how lost she gets) Kenz finds that she makes it to where she needs to go by not following her shoddy inner compass. I have a shoddy inner compass as well, but it refers to my communication instincts. So I follow her rule and try not to talk when I feel like talking. This rule applies especially when annoyed, and extra especially when I feel like saying "well, actually...". Those who know me also know that I fail often in this, but I try. When I remember.

This week we found a great deal for a baby bike seat on Craigslist, (aka the Walmart of the aught generation) and went to pick it up on Wednesday. We had never received an exact address or phone number, just an cross street downtown--but it was in the Pearl district so I wasn't too worried. In summary, we showed up at the designated time (actually earlier, I emailed her we were there) and waited. And waited and waited. It was after Theo's bedtime, and he was trying to throw himself in a park pond, so we finally left. Theo was overtired and screaming. Suddenly Jon, the stalwart of the anti-impulse, the calm peacemaker of the family, decided that we should record a short video clip of our horrifically screaming child, and email it to the seller. I agreed without hesitation. We assumed she had found another buyer and had left us out to dry. Bike seat deal over. We decided to send her a message, politely worded, with a surprise at the end. Hopefully it would induce enough guilt to make her reconsider her bad Craigslist etiquette. High fives to awesome technology! We crowned ourselves geniuses.

1), 2) Maiden voyage! Helmet with skulls! Helmets sans skulls or other doodlies are for rich people, apparently, so we have skulls. 3) Maiden voyage ends, and the sadness begins. Looks like we have a winner!


What are these bike seat pictures, you ask? I guess I left out the part where the next morning we get an email from the seller who didn't get any of our emails until that morning (internet was out), therefore missing us while she was at home ready to meet us. And then after some searching we realized that this deal was still too good to pass up, and didn't exist elsewhere. We fought over who was going to make the initial call back, and I lost. After hearing a cute tiny girl voice on the voicemail message, the regret started to creep in. Then I sent Jon to pick it up after I talked to her (her: I'm so sorry that... me: No problem! It's great! I'm trying not to sound embarrassed!") so we could both partake in the awkwardness. There is that chance she never opened the video, but like an errant text message to the wrong receiver, you must always assume the message has made it.

Shoddy inner compass: 1
Me: 0

If only I had a J. Walter Weatherman handy to teach me life's lessons!

My life right now.

1) Having the best time of your life in the tub. 2) Two seconds later, you poop in the tub and your life (or bath) as you know it ends, suddenly and abruptly.


You know how much I love Theo. He's the maple frosting on my old fashioned doughnut. [pause as I flick two ants off my arm. Jon left out a bacon grease-filled paper towel one night, and our lives haven't been quite the same since. How do you put an ant trap in a dishwasher?] I live for his toddle, his hugs with accompanying back-pat.  However, with his burgeoning communication skills arrives a new family member--frustration. I mean from him, not from me. He learned how to unlock my phone, so when I take it away so he doesn't delete all my apps--meltdown. Pajama time? Meltdown. Tired? Hungry? Have the need to wander in a non-wander zone? He starts to squeal, while arching his back and violently flinging his head. He balances on the ground in an upside-down U on the top of his head and heels, usually with a couple rolls thrown in. He even head butted me (so hard!) in the most vulnerable area of my body, my kill zone, my fragile yet insanely expensive fake front teeth.

I don't want to make him sound like a terror, 99% of the time he is a pure joy. And honestly, I think his meltdowns are entertaining. I just have to let the worst pass and redirect, and it doesn't take too long. The worst part is that we are also in the midst of transition nap time (or, TNT--where two naps become one, but you never know when or where naps really happen). So both these phenomena together mostly leave me scratching my head. I know I'm in a phase where Future Malorie is looking at me and laughing that I don't know that Theo just needs ____. And I don't know what ____ is, because I'm Present Malorie. So there's nothing I can do until Present Malorie turns into Future Malorie, where I will know the solution was that he needed a nap at 10:30 and 2:00, or that his front bottom tooth and all his molars are pushing through at once. But right now, Present Malorie is stuck in ignorance, so I'm popping in my mouth gaurd and treating each nap time with a victory peanut butter cup.

Random kid post

 

From top: 1) I will never get tired of super close ups of Theo's eyeballs. Can you spot Jon and me? 2) This baby has made me have babies on my mind, big time. Don't my man hands look so natural, cradling a newborn in their gentle strength? 3) We made Theo a box playhouse this weekend. It was one of the most satisfying things I have done lately. Look at that face. So happy!


Even though I may refer to him as such, Theo is no baby. (I think I've said this a lot on my blog. Just ignore me, I'm in denial most of the time). He walks and runs, and actually communicates. Mostly in whines, fits, and arm gestures, but we talk. I'm going to say his first word was "mama" just because he says it all the time when he wants us--and I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he associates this word with me. We thought "ball" was in there too, but that comes and goes, and is mostly a mimic word. He mimics a lot of sounds, but I have a hard time counting them as actual words. Am I being too strict on this? But for sure he has a second word, and he has convinced me that he associates it with the item. It is, cheese! He pronounces it "chz." Hand him a cheese stick though, and "chz" follows. Boy genius!

I am embracing Theo the kid. It is so much fun to watch him play with other kids--and we may have more wrestling/play time than the average mom/son duo. I don't know what I was thinking as a child--it is so much more fun to run around making sound effect noises and doing fake body slams.