I called my orthodontist in Boise last week, asking about getting new retainers sent to me because I am gnawing holes through them at night. The conversation went something like this:
Me: I'm calling to get some new retainers. My name is Malorie Hall, but I might be under...
Receptionist: Oh, we have you here under Malorie Naylor. Let me check with Dr. T. Are you going to be in town soon?
(Pause for the WORST hold music I think I have ever heard. A rendition of a classic orchestral piece by someone who was a huge fan of "Lampchop" and "This is the Song that Never Ends.")
Receptionist: Looks like we need to get a new impression. The front tooth of your model chipped.
Oh, the irony. Plus, can we note that she basically knew me by my first name? The first time I got braces I was called Marjorie for 3 years, so I guess you get braces on twice and you become a celebrity.
Or, everyone remembers you because you were 20 the second time around and you sobbed uncontrollably the whole time they were putting them on. Yeah, maybe that's it.
Before you all think I am consumed by vanity, (but let's not ignore that meeting my future in laws in silver braces was horrifying enough, and probably responsible for a certain family pushing someone to "date other people" that summer) braces were to me a time machine sending me back to 14 years old. And if you knew me at 14...well, you might just understand. I mean, do you want to be 14 again? That's what I thought.
And in the now humorous spirit of remembering that time four years ago, I would like to apologize publicly to my brother, who got home from work and was told by my mother--"Now, it was a surprise, but Malorie had to get braces put on today." I think she tried to give him a look like, "This is not the time to make a joke!" He then promptly made a joke, and I think I gave him a look that would have made the lighting bolt-shaped scar on his forehead burn with evil (if he were to possess such a thing, of course).
Monday, July 20, 2009
At least I can laugh about it now. Not that anyone else ever had a problem with that.
Posted by Malorie at 3:22 PM
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8 comments:
Hey, Marjorie, Trish retired! Did you make an appointment?
Ahhh, the days of braces. At 20 would have been bad. I'm glad you can laugh about it now!
Brother: from the Latin brostius meaning "lack of tact" or "one who torments"
As one who has had braces twice as well (and needs them again), I feel your pain. Life can be so cruel. :)
I didn't know you had braces twice. Sometimes I think I want braces again just so I can have a more beautiful smile. I hope you're able to get retainers easily.
so when are you getting braces again? isnt it about time?
Oh, come on you know we love you. Can I just say I didn't know you and what an amazingly awesome girl you were at the time. I also didn't know your incredible talent for sewing little backpacks, and playing funky instruments. My brother is lucky to have you.
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